The other day, I was asked how God has been working in my life lately. Wow, that's a tough one because, actually, I've been struggling.
Don't get me wrong, I know I've been blessed... I feel that God has answered my every prayer... He has blessed me with 8 (soon to be 9) beautiful grandchildren, children that live for Christ, a husband that is sold out to Christ and who loves me so much, we don't have to worry about every penny when we go to the store and we have plenty of clothes to wear in any given situation, we have a solid roof over our heads and a warm/cool (depending on the need) house to sit comfortably in while we fellowship with friends.... but when I'm asked, "how has God been working in your life?" I know it's not about the blessings.
And the reason I've been struggling lately is because I don't feel as close to God as I once was. Here's the thing, I still have my daily devotions and I occasionally read extra scriptures outside the ones in the daily devotional, I pay attention and take notes on Sundays and then, again, during our life group studies but I still don't know what to say.
I've felt this coming on for a while now. And, it's strange because I started noticing it about the same time that my husband's walk started getting stronger. I know that I conscientiously backed off because I enjoyed the excitement in his eyes when he shared something "new" from the Bible so, did I back off too much? I slowed down for him to catch up so that he could be the spiritual leader of our home... something I've prayed for all my life but now that he is that strong man of God, am I still the follower that I once was?
I used to know that peace that is talked about in Phil. 4:7... the peace that supplies inner joy. Not just happiness, but peace that would cause my heart to sing even when there was chaos and calamity all around. But was that just a fleeting emotion or was it God's peace and am I no longer feeling it because I've not been following as closely as I once was?
So, then the question led me to think of other things as well... do I not "feel" God working because I haven't been asking Him to work? I want to follow Him but have I been asking Him to lead me? This morning, as I pondered these questions, this song started flowing through my memory...
<center>"I can hear my Savior calling,... 'Take thy cross and follow, follow me.'
I'll go with Him thro' the garden, ... I'll go with him, with him all the way.
I'll go with him thro' the judgment, ... I'll go with him, with him all the way.
He will give me grace and glory,... and go with me, with me all the way.
Where He leads me I will follow, Where He leads me I will follow,
Where He leads me I will follow, I'll go with Him, with Him all the way."</center>
Lord, let me know you as I used to know you. Work in my life today. I want to follow You but have not been listening to Your gentle words of guidance. Open my ears once again and fill my heart with your joy as You have in the past.
I definitely understand the struggle of seasons, feeling close to God at times, like every day is a new revelation, and then the times when I feel very far. I, too, have been struggling with the idea of asking God to work and, for me, I know there's always a slight, illogical fear of what will happen to my happy life if I really let Him lead it? Praying for you, Mom! Love you!
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